Let’s make this quick.
Percy Jackson (Logan Lerman): Looks like he belongs in a High School Musical sequel.
Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario): Should age well.
Grover (Brandon T. Jackson): A satyr, meaning he’s half goat, which is creepy enough but he makes it more so.
Zeus (Sean Bean): Looks uncomfortable in a toga.
Poseidon (Kevin McKidd): Looks uncomfortable.
Hades (Steve Coogan): Can we have the whole movie about him?
Medusa (Uma Thurman): Runs an antique shop, I cannot tell you how weird this is.
Persephone (Rosario Dawson): Is not on screen nearly long enough.
Chiron (Pierce Brosnan): Is a centaur, enough said.
Plot: Thin, at best.
Dialogue: Insulting to the audience.
Moral: Gods make bad parents.
My opinion: Dear Hollywood, please stop. Seriously, please stop.