Saturday, May 29, 2010

Best use of elvator music ever

Awesome little short film courtesy of The Awesomer.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Totally Unrelated

And by totally unrelated I mean totally, completely, legally binding unrelated. Sense: this trailer makes none. Watch. Just watch. Don't think otherwise you might kill yourself.

Yeah. See what I mean? Armpit swords. Ass swords. Boob guns. Saws in...faces. Did that building just bleed?! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

That Fantstic News I Promised

Here it is.
So J.J. Abrams new movie, Super 8, will not be a Cloverfield prequel or sequel and won't be filmed by a hand held camera. Thank Cthulhu for that. Anyway, a bootleg trailer was "leaked" not long ago. The official one was just released.

It's already gone viral and here is what you have to do. It's all here if you feel lazy though. At the end, see those letters flash by? Okay, slow down the film, blow them up and read what they spell. Add ".com" to the end and you have the website you need to go to. Try to print everything. See the message you get? Still with me? Alright, now read through all that green, PDP-11 16-bit microcomputer text. Find a name. Cross-reference it with Area 51. Still following? Good, cause I have no idea what you do next. Go YouTube it, I'm sure someone out there has blown up every last little, grainy image for you to scrutinize.

Super 8 isn't due till 2011 so you can take your time forming your conspiracy theories. As near as I can tell from the trailer drunk rednecks in pickup trucks are the worst threat to the military in existence.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Fantastic News...

...will not be made in this post. In a future post for sure, once I figure out just what the hell it is that J.J. Abrams is planning. For now, let me give you some horrible news. All in the form of a long ass, shitty as hell trailer post. These are all movies coming out soon that you will want to avoid like the plague. Even the one about the plague.

They actually spent money on this. Non-imaginary, corporal, can buy things of value money to make this festering turd. This movie may actually destroy NASA's hope for the future. I sure as hell don't want to be an astronaut anymore. Okay, I wasn't going to be an astronaut but I had an elaborate plan to sneak aboard a shuttle and take the International Space Station for a joyride around the moon.

Why not just have the tag line: Steve Austin, because Jean Claude van Damme is to old.

WHAT THE FU-Seriously!? I get to watch dancing douchebags with British Accents in eye bleedin' 3D. This is so daffied I'm even breaking into Cockney just to display my displeasure. Excuse me while I go get elephants.

Well, it has Sean Bean and torture so if that's your sorta thing then have at. Personally, I'd rather flog myself then watch this movie.

This trailer is a minute and a half to long. I can't remember there being an Undisputed I or II, and frankly I'm afraid to go Google them. I'd say save your money and watch UFC. The plot will definitely be better.

Excuse me, I have to go punch myself in the face until the pain goes away.

There's only one more movie. There's only one more movie and then it will all be over. Wait..they're turning the last one into a two part-er?

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Can you name them all?

No, not Pokemon. Movies.

That's every major movie trailer for this summer compressed into one

Pick a theme and stick to it

Family drama, awkward coming of age comedy, horrific horror, or supernatural thriller, pick one. Your movie can't be all four. And, for the love of vodka, can you please find some music that isn't public domain crap?