Friday, April 30, 2010

Friday Mass Trailer Post

Let's begin shall we?

Well, I'm glad they got all the major plot points out of the way. Now we won't have to bother with such trivial things such as character development and plot arcs. From what the trailer fairies tell me, this movie will consist of explosions, Megan Fox's sex face, and really unrealistic weapons. Seriously, a TNT crossbow? How aerodynamic are we supposed to believe dynamite is? And wouldn't that horse totally freak out by two gatling guns next to its head?

Continuing on...

Wow, the SyFy Channel is finally getting a good budget. Oh, wait...Okay, when you're so strapped for movie ideas that you're remaking B-rated horror movies oh, wait...So, are they going to do Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus next? Or Dino Shark? Cause SyFy has a whole warehouse of shitty movies they could remake. They might be only marginally worse than the originals.

Wow, I didn't think I could start loosing interest in Zombie movies. How many of these does Romero think he can pull off? It's probably going to be better then his last one, Diary of the Dead. Look, the hand held camera technique barely worked for The Blair Witch and is only ever successful if you're not rooting for the zombies to kill everyone on screen. Let's look at all the places we've put zombies: in a graveyard (that make sense), a mall (oohh, an analogy!), in Sweden (and Nazis!), underwater (this is actually an entire sub-genre), on an island (multiple times in fact), and on a plane (only slightly more scary than snakes). Only place left is space - oh, wait nevermind, it's been done. So the only thing left for zombie movies to do then is to die.

Okay, f*&# this shit. I need to go buy more Emergency Vodka. An upper decker joke, really? That's the best you could do? Are you guys even trying an more?

I need a plate cleanser.

Not sure if M. Night Shyamalan-na-an was the best director choice but it looks good. I just don't hear M. Night Shayamallannn and think epic action flick. I still haven't forgiven him for The Happening.

That's all for now. I'm off to console myself with chocolate and cheap booze. Oh, booze. You're the only one that understands me.

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